Khyati Birla digs deep into common errors in thinking and provides suggestions on how you can improve your thoughts to live a more positive and mindful life.
These Thinking Errors show up as a Rigid Personality or Rigid Habits, potentially damaging to Self and Others.These may also cause Road Blocks to Success. One can only be Successful in a very Limited way and for a short time if one doesn’t try to break free from these Thinking Errors.⠀
1. All or nothing thinking.
All or nothing thinking is also known as Black or White thinking, this type of a thinking error creates an Either-Or Perspective.
For e.g. painfully limiting the options for both Yourself and Others around you like,
“Either You are With Me or Against Me”,
“I am Either Successful or Not.”
This type of Extremist Thinking is immensely pressurising, damaging to the self esteem and allows for no middle ground wherein one can pause for a while mentally to relax and regroup. It is Torturous for both self and others subjected to this Behaviour.⠀⠀
Break this thinking by trying to find a Neutral Ground in between 2 Extremes.
“Success may come to me after Many Failures.
I am Successful in some areas and not there yet in some areas”
2. Jumping To Conclusions.
Assumptions, Guesstimates, Mind Reading as opposed to Educated Guesses and Data Extrapolation. Creates Unnecessary Rifts in Relationships – Personal and/or Professional.
People who do this have a High Social Need i.e. Needing to maintain a positive image of oneself and within group. “
She crossed the road to avoid me”.
”He always says he is busy whenever I talk to him”.⠀
Break this thinking by challenging your thoughts and expanding your perspectives.
“Does He just say He is Busy or is he actually Busy, Because I do see him leaving late from office every now and then”.
“She crossed the road because the shop she wanted to get to was probably on that side of the road.”
How do I know she is avoiding me? or Am I just assuming here?
3. Magnification Of Negative And Minimisation Of Positive.
“My Presentation was a complete disaster, My Boss is surely going to hate me for it”.⠀
A thinking error that inadvertently leads to Unrealistically High Standards i.e. Perfectionism.
Read more on The Trap Of Perfectionism.
Break this thinking by thinking in terms of Probabilities. What are the odds that one wrong day will invite Hatred from your Boss?
4. Personalisation.
Either a tendency to take blame for things you couldn’t possibly be responsible for or a tendency to believe everything is directed towards them.
“My parents divorce was my fault”
“My Boss blamed the team but his words were meant for me alone”.
People here look for cues as to how others are out to get them or consider themselves responsible for things going wrong around them. Thinking others’ Social Media posts are for you? You might be having this dysfunctional thought pattern.
A Wife blames herself (something’s wrong with me for him to stray) for her Husband’s affair. Children from Broken Families especially hold themselves responsible for their parents falling apart. A very painful way of living.Induces Guilt and Trauma in Self which is completely unfortunate.⠀
Break this thinking by asking exactly how are you responsible for the choices others make.⠀
5. Discounting The Positive.
If you think people ALWAYS have an ulterior motive for helping you or for being nice and kind you have this Cognitive Distortion.
“She is only doing this because she wants something in return”.
Having a Thought Pattern on these lines means you will end up rejecting kind/good/helpful acts around you till you create a world where you are left alone with nothing good. A highly disturbing thought pattern with disturbing consequences.⠀
Break this thought pattern by first learning to recognise something as positive.The best way to do this is just not labelling anything as negative.”Either it’s positive for me or it is what it is”.
What makes you think this person has an ulterior motive in her kindness? Challenge the evidence and you will usually notice a dysfunctional belief behind this thought pattern.⠀
6. Mental Filter.
Also known as Confirmation Bias where the mind accepts only that bit of evidence that confirms what’s already in the head i.e. Prior beliefs. We want something to be true so badly that evidence is interpreted to be in favour of what we need to be true.
Lack of objectivity during the assessment.
”Smoking isn’t as harmful as studies indicate”.
Picking out bits and pieces of data that makes us feel good because they are evidence of our prejudices. A person with low self-esteem can be very highly sensitive to being ignored by other people and therefore may consistently scan their environment for signs of being disliked. Even neutral behaviour is then perceived as rejection. What a painful way to live life.⠀
Break this thought pattern with some Therapeutic Journalling, identify situations where you feel insecure and strengthen yourself. Ask yourself,” Is what I am believing to be true, the whole picture?is there any other conflicting data?” or “ Am I doing this because it’s the most optimum thing to do or because I like to do this?” ⠀
7. Emotional Reasoning
Mistaking Feelings for Facts. ⠀
”I feel so anxious, I know for sure something bad will happen”.⠀
“I feel this so it must be true.”⠀
“I feel he loves me so it must be true.” ⠀
Understanding that THOUGHTS give rise to FEELINGS will go a long way.
“I am feeling anxious BECAUSE I think something bad will happen”.⠀
or Inverse this sentence in a question form.⠀
”Does this become true because I feel it?” ⠀
Thoughts are not always Facts. Thinking “it must be so because I feel it so” can cause an error or reasoning and judgment.⠀