Read On if you want to avoid the Stress Burnout.
Introduction.
According to a U.S. survey,Stress and it’s Direct and Indirect effects both cost 300 Billion USD every year.In one of it’s articles, Forbes calls Stress “The Business World’s Silent Killer”. In India 89% people admit they are stressed.We still don’t know the cost India has to bear for the same but statistics show that Depression is certainly also on the rise. We don’t believe in taking Stress seriously and therefore end up paying the cost in different ways. They say, ”What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Not Necessarily! It can also leave you Weaker and Struggling to recover.From unexplained ailments to Cancer and from Declining Productivity to Loss of Secured Jobs, Stress impacts our lives in both Tangible and Intangible ways.
Stress affects everyone and we all need to be more resilient than ever now to keep up with the world. We also need to build Coping Mechanisms for Stress, A strategy that helps us build certain Resilient Habits and makes it easy for us to drop Dysfunctional Habits.
In this post, we will talk about one habit that is important for us to drop if we find ourselves frequently raging and frustrated. Not being able to control our moods, means lost opportunities, lost relationships and a low quality of Life in General.
What I am referring to is LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE.
What is LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE and Why Does it Matter?
Emotional Abilities are built. Building them takes continuous practice. Low Frustration Tolerance or LFT is due to some irrational beliefs that we might be having. Right from the time we are born, we have been conditioned into believing certain things in the form of Elderly Guidance or in the form of influence of our Peer group; that might be right for them but not for us. LFT is one of the single most common reason for Chronic Emotional Stress. If I had to give you one reason for why you or someone you know can’t change, it’s Low Frustration Tolerance. LFT stops you from making changes because you can’t bear the discomfort involved in making the change for a better life. Instead you choose to bear the significant emotional pain of living with the difficult conditions.
People demonstrate Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) in 4 ways :
- Emotional intolerance, i.e. a high level of emotional sensitivity and an intolerance of any type of emotional distress. ”Why don’t people talk to me properly?” . ”My colleague saw me and didn’t talk to me, I feel so insulted!”. “My Boss reprimanded for being late again today,I am so mad, I feel like I could punch him”.
- Entitlement, i.e. intolerance of unfairness and frustrated gratification.“It’s so unfair that I have to work so hard to get what I want”. ”It’s so cold outside,I would rather sleep now, than workout” “I deserve that Promotion”
- Discomfort intolerance, i.e. intolerance of difficulties and hassles. “ Life should be easier.It’s unfair of it to change so often. I have to work hard dealing with the uncertainty all the time”
- Achievement, i.e. intolerance of frustrated achievement goals. ”Why can’t I get what I want, when I want?. I want this NOW”
People with such thoughts get far more quickly frustrated than others. If something is not easily available or attainable they give up. They may also be very quick to burn out. If you know of anyone who starts off with a Big bang but isn’t able to maintain or finish any project, they could be having LFT .They resist change (in any 1 or some of the 4 contexts mentioned above) and therefore when Life demands change as it does with so much frequency, they look for easy solutions.When no easy solutions are available, they generate negative feelings ;the end result of which causes Stress.
A client of mine, we will call her “T” wanted to learn French but left the course after two sessions.Her Reasons? She found it embarrassing having to practise in front of others.She realized she wasn’t going to become immediately fluent in the language and that she perceived as a lack in her. She had tried to learn Salsa and Piano previously but gave up for the same reasons. She kept setting goals to get fit, find her passion and get a job of her dreams, have a fulfilling relationship, make life more exciting, but all to no avail. It seemed ironic to me that in avoiding the discomfort of change she ended up suffering the discomfort of a boring and unfulfilled life. To make matters worse, she frequently became angry with herself for giving up too easily (`What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I finish what I started?’) So now she was also angry with herself for not persevering with her efforts to change.Her spouse was naturally affected by her stress levels and she felt guilty about that as well.During our stress management sessions, which she missed often and when she did show up, was invariably late, she kept demanding instant answers to understand her problems and easy solutions to solve them.
People can get stuck in such vicious loops all the time.They can create an extraordinary amount of stress and suffering in one’s life.Repeating the loop over and over again can chip away at self-esteem which causes other psychological problems.Hence it matters that we stop these loops as soon as we can.
In T’s case, the challenge was to learn to keep aside her unrealistic expectations of herself and learn to systematically persevere with her efforts.She did manage to learn Piano among other things.
T learnt that Frustrations in life are inevitable.It’s easy to be Frustrated. And it’s equally easy to manage these frustrations sometimes.
How to overcome LFT
LFT is an emotional threshold.It can be increased gradually upto the point where you no longer feel the same negative emotions in the context that you did earlier.When I work with my clients we go step wise.
First step is to identify in which conditions the LFT is triggered.It’s important for the clients to be aware that the root cause does not lie externally but within them and this is in their sphere of control.
Secondly we work together to challenge the irrational beliefs that cause LFT.This requires a lot of patience,Socratic questioning and gentle challenging for which the client has to be sensitised for and prepared first.Those of you trying to do this at home, remember to be kind to yourself.Ask yourself what is the cost you are paying to live like this and what do you imagine the ultimate consequences of that will be?Try to seek a support system that can help you set goals that increase your tolerance threshold.For e.g. “next time I am stuck in traffic, instead of raging,I will put on some music and finish my emails.”.”Next time,I am stuck in a queue at the supermarket,I will finish making those calls or will order online or choose another time to shop.” Give yourself two to three options to choose from as an alternative strategy than the previous dysfunctional strategy.Reward yourself for every small gains and don’t lose hope every time you slide back.We don’t expect you or anyone to be a paragon of High Frustration Threshold.It’s unrealistic .Being about 70-80% there will do the trick.
Conclusion
Stress by itself is not bad.It shows us where we are vulnerable to enable us to strengthen ourselves.In some cases, some amount of Stress even helps us hone our focus and increase our performance. However, when one has been in a state of chronic stress or has an unbuilt stress coping strategy, it can cause LFT and LFT causes Chronic Stress in turn.It’s a vicious loop which needs a sound exit strategy.Stress Coping Mechanisms are an important Life skill and we definitely make our lives far more difficult by neglecting to acquire this skill.
The moment you catch yourself distressed or flaring up, feeling angry or over reacting, start changing the narrative within, the self talk that cuts the “should” like “I should” or “They Should” to a narrative of “It’s Ok.It’s not the end of the world”. This is how one learns to re-condition themselves towards an Increased Emotional Intelligence.Getting better and better at Emotional Management never goes wrong; is very exciting and truly makes life quite fulfilling.
Author's Note The purpose of this column is to enable the reader to build a healthy Coping Strategy one good habit at a time. Please allow yourself upto 6 months of constant practice and allow the habit to build up to see the change. If you find yourself struggling to conquer LFT, please contact us on khyati@khyatibirla.com to see how you can go on to lead a better life. Khyati Birla
#stressmanagementtips #habitsthatcausestress – Khyati Birla